So  this is how it goes. The first instinct is to deny, to reject the truth forcing its way into their minds and their hears, cutting sharply, leaving scars and they already know these scars will not heal, will never heal, so they have to stop this truth from spreading, from setting inside with painful realisation. The first instinct is to trust, to believe,  to hope, because letting Hal and Mitchell into their lives, into their hearts was hard work since the begining, too high price was paid: hostility and distance overcame, suspicion and caution discarded, so much belief and loyalty invested. Loving Hal and Mitchell was never easy but once they crossed this line, once they gave in, once they opened up they have gone too far, into the land, the shore left behind, going back  would be a path through thorns and thickets. Going back would be losing everything they gave away for both of them, everything they worked so hard on together. All the love, trust, faith permanently impaired, never entirely regained. So the first instinct is to not let go of all of this: love -trust -faith.  Once they allowed themselves to look passed faults, sins, guilts, letting all of this go will mean losing huge part of themselves to never get it back. If they trade all that  love for and trust and faith in Hal and Mitchell for this truth that is trying to force its way in they will not know how to love someone, trust someone and have faith in someone - anyone entirely ever again. So they are bargaining, they are trying to convince themselves, they are clinging to denial. They choose love and belief instead of the truth because in these moments their love and belief in Mitchell and Hal ARE the truth and everything else is fake, foreign and unacceptable.

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